[This poem has just been published in Stoned Crows & other Australian icons, ed. by Julie Chevalier & Linda Godfrey, at Spineless Wonders press. The volume by many writers and poets, and focussed on an irreverent look at Australian ‘icons’, will be launched during the upcoming Sydney Writers Festival. Given the density of allusions and Australian idiolect, the poem will, for the most part, only be comprehensible to Australian readers. An iconostasis, an ‘icon stand’, is a wall of icons separating church nave from sanctuary in Eastern Christianity and typically has three openings or doors. I took the photo of Australian war medals at the Anzac Memorial in Melbourne.]


first door: god’s eye webcam

toyota samsung miele ge maccas all sitting together in their second life on a screen in a gaming den in seoul chewing kimchi with roo & a fair shake of the sauce bottle as the webcam scams in over the opera house mumbling NO WAR in a laconic sort of way iphoned out to all the second gen boat people selling smack out west to seventh gen boat people lebs & serbians wearing maori tats on their harleys like hopper on speed or hogan on tim tams as the st johns st pauls st andrews sandstone bogans prepare for their laidback lawyer lives in mosman woollahra cayman islands & the odd pole-dancer taken to a long lunch at the emirates marquee in a pavlova fascinator stumbles her 20 inch stilettos over the dropped vc of the latest warrior & mate to come home in a flag with a 21 gun salute for the lanky governor mate in canary yellow always good for going down mines before they collapse like the oz top order or collateral debt obligations to keep the home air cons burning the sun setting in the west as it still does but who knows for how long so we might take a punt on it if we’ve got a tip or two on the likely moods of the southern ocean index raising a dust storm in the stock exchange of our hearts big as phar lap’s ghost in the fifth at flemington hong kong racing round uluru stoned as a schoolie zoned out as a pokie pensioner cloned as a yank in an akubra made in china licking a wasabi chiko roll along bondi beach coz it sucks like harold holt’s yellow peril submarine we all live in

second door: glossolalia

visuals: face like a dropped pie head like a chewed mintie useless as tits on a bull useless as a letterbox on a tombstone couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag couldn’t organise a fart in a curry house if he fell into a barrel full of tits he’d come up sucking his thumb
as popular as a cross-city tunnel wouldn’t shout in a shark attack full as a corby boogie board bag vanished like a fart in a fan factory

sound check: rain on an iron roof, a creaky gate/an outdoor dunny door banging in the wind/driving over a cow grate/a screen door slamming/galahs coming in before sunset/geckos chattering on a ceiling/splat of a cane toad on bitumen/squeak of a hills hoist/swipe of a credit card/magpies warbling/yobs screaming fuck off poofter from their holden commodore/spreading disease with the greatest of ease /a little each day /is a good recipe/it’s time

song: love me drizza, love me kubra/love me sheila, love me clacka/love me wanka, love me heidegga/love me warnie, love me horny/love me vb, love me tv/love me reffo, love me biffo/love me smoko, love me choko/love me porno, love me adorno/love me ute, love me root

third door: the history biffos trinity

white armband
rum rebellion: officers remove an unsatisfactory governor
eureka stockade: heroic uprising of battlers against unjust authorities of the time
gallipoli: birth of the nation in the heroic sacrifice of our diggers
vietnam: another heroic sacrifice of our diggers in defence of freedom
lambing flats riots: the what?
cronulla riots: minor tussle over correct female beach attire

black armband
rum rebellion: a section of the officer mafia corners the rum market
eureka stockade: the volk arises in a rage over mining royalties
gallipoli: the volk scrambles up a faux-trojan crag to kill turks for the british empire
vietnam: the volk hacks thru faux-coppola jungles killing vietnamese for us empire
lambing flats riots: the volk rids the labour market of competing chinamen
cronulla riots: the flag-wrapped volk bashes beach-staining lebs

grey armband
what: ever
pass: the prawns
what’s: the score have a nice


~ by Peter Lach-Newinsky on April 12, 2013.

2 Responses to “iconostasis”

  1. Jeez I larfed, at first, then I said to meself this Newinsky bloke has no appreciation of the finer, gentler aspects of the Aussie culture. Then I thought he’s just another reffo whinger with upimself pretensions. And his poem don’t even finish properly.

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